freedom to say that two plus two make four

a reasonably-worded perspective on why one doctor chooses not to get an h1n1 shot

2009-10-29T18:35:11Z

This is a controversial issue and I'm not necessarily convinced either way, but thought sushis and possibly others on my friends list might be interested in what Dr. Ben Kim has to say about the H1N1 vaccine.

A few months ago, just before the frenzy over everything H1N1 started bubbling out of control, I told a colleague that I didn't want to write or talk about this virus or its vaccine.

I didn't want to contribute to the power of this story in any way. If anything, I wanted to encourage people who follow our site to ignore all stories headlined by H1N1 and continue to focus on things that matter most in their lives, things that bring them fulfillment. Because I firmly believe that the majority of government and health care workers who are promoting the H1N1 vaccine are misguided. And I also believe that getting caught up in all of the panic and hype surrounding H1N1 is a good way to get sick.

With letters pouring in daily with questions on H1N1, it's become impossible for me to avoid this monster of a story.

Just last night, the Greater Toronto Area's most popular newspaper, The Toronto Star boldly declared: "H1N1 clinics to open early in wake of teen's death."

Every death is sad and humbling. I don't wish to trivialize death or flippantly throw out statistics on people who have died from this and that to support my opinions on H1N1.

I also don't wish to tell others what to do with their lives. If someone asks me if I think it's a good idea to get a flu shot, I'll say no and explain why. But I don't go out of my way to tell people what to do.

A number of people - a lot of nurses, I've noticed - have called me a dumb ass or something in the same vein for not shooting myself up with the H1N1 vaccine, and for possibly steering others to do the same.

By far the most common line of thought that angry e-mailers bring up is that there are so many thousands of deaths due to the flu each year - am I willing to publicly share my opinion on flu shots and have deaths on my conscience if people choose not to vaccinate because of my stance?

Whoa...hold up there. Wait just a sec, eh? If you're leaning towards accepting a flu shot because "thousands of people die from the flu every year," I encourage you to take a moment to consider how accurate such a statement is.

When I hear or read about thousands of people dying from the flu - one of the H1N1 strains or any other strain of influenza - here are the questions that pop up in my head:

How do we know that these deaths were definitely caused by a virus that causes the flu?

How exactly do health officials go about establishing cause of death?

What was the health status and medical history of each person who was classified to have died from the flu? Who compiled this information and how comprehensive was each report?

I think these questions naturally come up in my mind because I've long been disturbed by the way government and health officials inaccurately attribute deaths to various causes.

An obvious example is death by cancer. How many of the millions of people who have been classified as having died from cancer actually died from one or more of the following:

Chemotherapy
Radiation treatments
Decades of poor food choices
Decades of poor lifestyle choices i.e. lack of sleep, lack of exercise, ongoing exposure to prescription and recreational drugs
My educated guess is that the percentage is quite high. That is, a large number of people who "died from cancer" actually died from one or more of the causes listed above.

How about the number of people who die each year from cardiovascular disease. It's in the millions, and it's growing every year. Did the millions of people who died from cardiovascular disease last year really die from cardiovascular disease?

Or is it more accurate to say that some or all of these folks passed on because of many years of poor dietary choices, emotional stress, a genetic predisposition to developing clogged arteries, toxic burden from years of prescription and recreational drug use, or some combination of these factors? Did some of these millions of people who "died from cardiovascular disease" actually die from the impact of anesthesia, having their chest walls opened up, and having a bunch of hands and tools working away at their heart and blood vessels?

I'm not suggesting that poor dietary and lifestyle choices, prescription and recreational drugs, chemotherapy, radiation, and invasive surgeries are definitive causes of death. Not at all. I'm trying to point out that "cause of death" is a blurry entity.

When a bullet rips through a person's heart or a major blood vessel and that person bleeds to death within a minute or two, then the cause of death is without question, massive bleeding due to a gun shot wound.

But when I hear people make statements like "thousands of deaths due to the flu each year," or "one thousand deaths due to H1N1 in the U.S. so far," my mind says hold up now, let's think about that.

And as I think about it, the question that comes up is this: How does a virus that meets a large group of people cause a relatively quick death in a minute percentage of that population, a temporary respiratory infection in a portion of that population, and no symptoms to speak of in the rest of that population?

I keep wondering: Does anyone really know for sure what those "thousands of people who died from the flu" really died from? Did health officials carefully consider health status before demise, medical history, and underlying immune system strength for each of these people? And quite importantly, did any of these people who "died from the flu" receive a flu vaccine before they died?

I don't have answers to these questions and I'm pretty sure that no one else does either.

So for me, common sense dictates that regardless of how strong or virulent this year's H1N1 strains are, my best course of action is the same as it's always been: It's to eat and live in a way that keeps my immune system as strong as possible.

And eating and living in a way that keeps my immune system as strong as possible includes saying no thanks to injections of chemicals that can injure human cells.

My understanding is that the H1N1 vaccines that are being rolled out all over the world differ from country to country, as each country chooses which pharmaceutical giant they would like to have produce their H1N1 vaccine. And as far as I can tell, all of the H1N1 vaccines that have been produced thus far contain thimerosal, a preservative that's about 49% mercury by weight.

Because I just don't believe that healthy people who have access to clean food, clean water, and good sanitation systems can easily die from the H1N1 strains that are reportedly making rounds throughout the world, I don't think it's worth the risk to inject myself or my children with any amount of thimerosal, even if the amount is "less than the amount of mercury in a can of tuna."

What about the elderly, newborns, and people who are undernourished and possibly immune deficient? Contrary to popular belief, I strongly believe that these are the groups of people that can least afford to experience the toxic burden that comes with getting injected by thimerosal and other synthetic chemicals. It's true that these groups of people are at greater risk of experiencing colds and flus, but I fail to see how increasing their toxic burden improves their chances of experiencing good health. Rather than get flu shots, I feel that these groups of people need to work extra hard at improving immune system strength via the suggestions found toward the bottom of the following post:

Do You Know What's in a Flu Shot?

The decision to receive or decline a flu shot can be agonizingly difficult amid the panic and pressure that's being generated by every level of government in first world nations.

If you're still undecided, please take some time to research the ingredients in the H1N1 vaccine that's being offered in your area. Get the list of ingredients and google each one. Be sure that you understand the purpose and effects of each ingredient.

Most healthy people can likely withstand and recover from the negative effects of the chemicals found in flu vaccines. But doesn't it make sense to expose your cells to questionable ingredients only if you know for sure that getting the vaccine can improve or protect your health? I, for one, am confident that flu vaccines can only deteriorate my health - maybe not to a significant degree since I'm currently healthy. But there's no upside and a tremendous potential downside. And that's why I say no to flu shots, including the H1N1 shot that's being offered for free in Canada.

knitting blog

2009-08-07T03:56:56Z

I made a separate blog for knitting/crafty stuff: http://nerauliasknitting.blogspot.com/

there are some things about music that most of us understand

2009-08-03T01:05:22Z

Bobby McFerrin Demonstrates the Power of the Pentatonic Scale

This made me grin.

populist music! street sweeper social club, 100 little curses

2009-06-19T19:33:12Z

Gets better with repeat viewings. lyrics

jay smooth: asher roth and the racial crossroads

2009-05-08T15:14:43Z

Jay Smooth is so on point, as usual. I'm all for fucking around on the internet and getting stupid, but a foundation of respect for others' humanity is a necessary thing. This includes not cracking on people (whose names may or may not be Q) for their ethnicities or countries of origin when there are much more lulzy things about them.

Love to all. I am not criticizing anyone, just needed to state my position.

knitting

2009-03-23T04:00:17Z

Finally got around to posting knitting photos. Below is a mitten I'm currently working on (and currently stuck on, even though it's a noob pattern). The other stuff I've knit so far (scarf, discloths) is here.

5 favorite songs from 2008

2008-12-23T15:40:23Z

Edit: Added imeem playlist so you don't have to click around to hear these.

Music has greatly enriched my year! Last.fm links for the first two - had to find alternate sources for the rest.

1. NIN - Echoplex

NIN is obviously my obsession. This track is from The Slip, if you've been sleeping.

2. TV on the Radio - Lover's Day

Have performed live with Peter Murphy and Trent Reznor (for example, the TVotR song Dreams). Dear Science is the first album of theirs that I picked up - love it.

3. Tricky - Past Mistake (hear the album)

Loved for years, critic's darling. The new album, Knowle West Boy, is more accessible than his earlier work.

4. ohGr - Smogharp (YouTube rip)

My favorite track off Devils in My Details.

5. Gina Young - The Boy on the Bus (scroll down to this song on the left and click play)

Political song from the wonderful Gina Young, on 3am Voice. Her first two albums are also excellent.

favorite songs from 2008

let's go after the buddhists

2008-12-13T19:19:15Z

So funny. Thanks to tanyahp for mentioning this guy.

why all analysis of music ultimately falls short

2008-12-12T17:10:32Z

nin a day moving to meta_reznor

2008-12-11T02:36:11Z

Today's and future "NIN a day" entries will be posted to meta_reznor. Rejoice, o ye friends list members who are not fans of NIN.

day 4, halo 2, song 1

2008-12-09T00:47:24Z

Now we have arrived at Halo 2, BKA Pretty Hate Machine. Interestingly, in the credits for PHM, Trent thanks the author Clive Barker and Prince (among others) for ideas.

First track is "Head Like a Hole." We will be revisiting this track later via a single release with some remixes. This is obviously the non-remixed version.

"HLAH" is one of the more direct NIN songs. Maybe that's why it got so much radio play, even though its message is subversive. It also has a double chorus, ergo twice the catchiness, I guess. The lyrics are anti-authoritarian and rebellious. They point at a lack of faith in organized religion and bourgeois ideals. Reminds me of the expression "I'd rather be the hammer than the nail," except this is the reverse - Trent wants to be the nail that breaks the hammer. Hell, yeah.

This was the first NIN song I ever heard, back in high school. I thought the kids in my school who wore NIN t-shirts were weird, so I didn't buy the tape. *facepalm* File that one under lost opportunities....

I've been reading some of the articles and interviews from 1990, when NIN were touring for PHM. In one of them, Trent talks about how he learned to abuse the audience, and how he takes a song and arranges it, "rather than building up a groove and chanting over it." He also said that he had done the vocals for PHM in one take. It's pretty amazing how consistent his attitudes have been over the years, and how straightforward he has been about expressing them.

Reading those early interviews, I also realize that although I'm writing this series out of fandom and a wish to better understand NIN's music (not to mention perhaps undiagnosed OCD?), Trent might not approve if he read any of it. I'm overanalyzing, projecting my thoughts and feelings onto his songs and lyrics. But isn't that inevitable? Would it be better to nod and smile than at least try to understand? If it seems like I'm taking this too seriously, that's what I do....

Also interesting how in this video, Trent does wind up having control taken from him at the end. This later recurs in the video for "Closer" and is implied in "Happiness in Slavery" (song and video). Is it a nightmare become reality, or a wish fulfilled?

day 3, halo 1, song 3

2008-12-08T20:56:50Z

And today we wrap up our coverage of "Down In It" with the "Singe" remix. This remix is also by Adrian Sherwood and Keith LeBlanc. The vocals are much less prominent, and music and vocals are both deconstructed. A repeated shout that is brought to the fore in this mix reminds me of how Trent encourages the crowd to chant "hey!" when they play "The Beginning of the End" live.

There used to be a funny clip on YouTube of NIN going on a program like American Bandstand, but it wasn't American Bandstand, and performing "Down In It." Can't find it anymore. So instead, here is a clip of "Hard Copy" trying to figure out whether the song's video was actually a snuff film. This is worth watching for many reasons, among them to see Trent with a septum ring.

day 2, halo 1, song 2

2008-12-08T01:46:46Z

"Down In It" (Shred) is today's lovely song. It's almost the same as yesterday's lovely song, except with a couple of minutes added to the end. Sort of like a club mix, to give people more time to dance and give the DJ time to fade into the next track.

The remix was done by Adrian Sherwood and Keith LeBlanc. Adrian Sherwood, according to Wikipedia, has done production and remixes for a bunch of groups, including Skinny Puppy, Depeche Mode, and Ministry. So if I had to, I would bet that young Trent was happy to work with him (edit: or not). He later worked on or remixed "Sin," "Happiness in Slavery," and "Starfuckers."

Keith LeBlanc doesn't have a Wikipedia entry, but last.fm claims that he created "the first EVER sampling record" (emphasis mine; video embedded below), which is pretty amazing. He also did some work with Grandmaster Flash and with The Sugarhill Gang. So no lightweights, these guys.

day 1, halo 1, song 1

2008-12-07T04:30:55Z

"Down In It" (Skin) is the first track on halo 1 - the single release that preceded Pretty Hate Machine. The "skin" mix is the mix that wound up on PHM, so chances are anyone bothering to read this is very familiar with the track.

I'll link to the ninwiki info about this song rather than repeating it.

Personally, this song doesn't have a lot of meaning for me. "Rain, rain go away" is interesting in its reuse of a children's rhyme, if a little annoying. But like the face that launched a thousand ships, this song launched an epic career.

You can see the original video here, but I can't embed it because the bastards at Universal are bastards. Below is a live version from the LITS tour stop in Dallas, TX.

Bleh, thought I'd something more to say. Tomorrow: "Down In It" (Shred).

this noise inside my head: nin-a-day intro

2008-12-07T04:13:21Z

So I keep having this idea of going through all the NIN halos, one song at a time, and writing about each one. Kind of an NIN-a-day thing. I don't have the time. What would be the point? Who cares about my random thoughts on this topic? I have other things to do.

And yet, I've thought of it every day for a couple of weeks. So I'm going to do it. Fill in the gaps in my NIN knowledge. Because I'm not obsessed enough!

My grandparents used to read the bible every day. One chapter every morning. When they got to the end, they would start over. I've always admired that sort of thing.

Halo info from ninwiki.com.

last night's show: nin at house of blues, atlantic city

2008-11-07T14:13:48Z

These are just my raw impressions on waking the next morning. Forgot to bring my own camera, but I'm sure there will be plenty of photos online. Rob Sheridan was actually standing about two feet away taking photos from the balcony rail, so his will be better than mine would be anyway! Plus, he gets to use a professional camera....

It was an excellent show. I am hoarse and deaf, and in typical NJ fashion we nearly died on the highway getting there, but it was completely worth it.

The opening band, HEALTH, was so much better suited as an opener for NIN than Does it Offend You, Yeah? was. They came out on stage and burst into a noise that I can only describe as blinding. The bassist, in center stage, was tall and lanky with long hair and was dancing and thrashing like a madman. The drummer laid down some amazing, heavy beats, and the singer alternated between a distorted yell and Thom Yorke-like crooning. The only CD I have of theirs is their latest, a remix album, and obviously that was a tactical error on my part - must get my hands on some of their heavier stuff. Looking forward to seeing them again tomorrow night.

Of course all of this did not prevent the loser behind me from booing HEALTH, because as he told his date, he had never heard of them. Grr. There was also some drunk, rich idiot in the row in front of us (we were 2nd row center balcony), making a complete ass of himself until eventually it became clear that he and the girls he was with did not have tickets for those seats. The guy next to me pointed that fact out to security, who made the guy go to his actual seat (duh). The asshole actually threatened the guy next to me as he was leaving, saying "I'll take care of you later" like this was some sort of bad after-school special and not a freaking NIN show. So hopefully nothing came of that threat.

So NIN came out and of course the crowd went nuts. I'm not good at remembering set lists, but I'm sure NIN.com has one if anyone wants that. They did play "The Collector" and "Starfuckers," neither of which I think they've been playing on this tour. They also played "Down In It," which Trent introduced as their "first single." Trent was a little talkative, which is always nice. He mentioned that they've been doing a big tour (everyone cheered) and that by halfway through the show the robots have usually taken over and the band is back stage. Then he said that there was "no faking it tonight." Ah, the Trent LOLZ. Also today is apparently Robin Finck's birthday, and Trent told us all to wish him a happy birthday. Trent said Robin was turning 22, and Josh - right on cue - did a rimshot.

Playing a lot of the same songs night after night must get annoying at times. But, everything last night had some extra freshness and energy in it. Trent also looked very healthy compared to the IZOD Center show a couple of months ago (where he seemed like he had a cold), which may account for some of the energy. It also seemed like it was a nice change of pace for everyone to be able to rock out without worrying about lighting cues, screens, etc.

Peter Murphy of Bauhaus did a guest appearance and sang "Reptile." Trent spoke highly of Peter and said that he had invited NIN on a tour with them when they were starting out, and that Peter had been a great friend ever since. Later, he said that Peter was "probably hanging upside-down somewhere." Heh.

What else... Trent is a sexy beast as always... holding the microphone in a, ahem, suggestive way, rubbing his lower abs under his shirt. Enough to make someone feel lightheaded. Lucky for Trent, I'm married and therefore will not be finding my way backstage.

And I guess that's about it. Looking forward to tomorrow's big, complex, lighted show!! I love both formats - can't really go wrong as long as it's NIN.

Edited to add: Someone from the NIN boards posted this, which was very cool and I forgot to mention.

Trent had a little speech between Closer & Discipline, mentioned all the "Super Fans" and how they have been giving him shit for "fucking up the words for closer", then asked if anyone knew the words, tossed the mic to a fan in the audience who began "Through every forest..." at which point he made the gesture for the guy to give back the mic. Couldn't hear what he said after that, but then in Discipline he sang that whole part.

Edited slightly 11/11/08 to quote Trent properly.

mma - elitexc choked out

2008-10-22T14:18:46Z

I don't know if anyone on my friends list watches mixed martial arts (MMA). My husband and I both took martial arts lessons growing up, so it's a sport we can both relate to and enjoy watching together. At its best, MMA is a fascinating physical chess match.

MMA has several promotions. Generally speaking, fighters in a promotion only fight each other (not fighters from other promotions). UFC is the most famous and lucrative. Until recently, EliteXC was something of a rising star because it was airing live fights on CBS, even though it was losing money. Kevin "Kimbo Slice" Ferguson and Gina Carano were the top draws.

Unfortunately, EliteXC's money loss was not a trickle but a torrent. It folded earlier this week. Kimbo Slice is now unsigned, though there is some speculation that he could get signed by a Japanese promotion because the culture there favors larger-than-life fighters. He definitely meets that criterion, though his MMA skills are non-elite.

Gina Carano, on the other hand, has nowhere to go. Although she drew over a million fans in the most recent EliteXC event on CBS, her salary was $25,000 for winning compared to Slice's $800,000 for losing.

Dana White of UFC has declared himself uninterested in promoting women's fights. In the sometimes-bizarre world of MMA, rolling around half-naked with sweaty people of your same gender is considered too macho for women to handle. They are relegated to the role of scantily-clad ring girls.

I think it's way past time to have women fight in the UFC. And while we're at it, let's have some ring boys.

Say it aint so! Joe the Plumber: Not a Licensed Plumber

2008-10-17T02:59:06Z

Joe the Plumber is not exactly a plumber and he's "not even close" to making the kind of money that would result in higher taxes from Democrat Barack Obama's proposals. And his first name is actually Samuel!

read more | digg story

photography and etsy

2008-10-13T19:17:13Z

Well, I finally listed my first item on Etsy! Very exciting. I'm actually tearing up. It means so much to be able to share this side of myself.

I have more things to list in the next few days - stretching out the listings because listing items gets a lot of attention on Etsy and I want to prolong that. I still have some tweaking to do on the shop policies etc. Suggestions welcome, but be gentle since I'm just getting started!

I wasn't sure how to take the photos, so I gathered up some household items that I thought looked cool: a meditating figure that my sister gave me for my birthday, a vase, an old poison bottle (used to collect them and still have several). Then I hit up Target and the grocery store for some flowers, a bamboo placemat, and some damask napkins. Trying to develop a look for the shop, and I keep drifting toward pink/gray/green with floral accents. Not sure exactly where that's coming from, but just kind of rolling with what my subconscious wants here. I made the shop banner from this photo that I took at Longwood Gardens.

Anyway, thanks for reading along as I go through this process!

spore review

2008-09-18T02:39:52Z

I mentioned that Spore was disappointing. This guy thinks so too, only he is much funnier than I am. For some reason, they put ads at the end of this, but you can safely stop watching after the cartoon credits.

By the way, this video is so funny (to me, anyway) that it almost makes having spent $50 on the stupid game worth it.

we love this country too much to let the next four years look like the last eight

2008-08-29T20:47:33Z

Barack Obama's convention speech, in case you haven't seen it yet.

set list from 8/27 Izod Center with video links

2008-08-28T21:21:41Z

Will add more as I find them, or comment if you find one for me to add! (Must be from last night's show at Izod.)

Have I mentioned that I love the Internets?

1. 999,999 [Intro]
2. 1,000,000
3. Letting You
4. Discipline
5. March of the Pigs
6. Head Down (partial video)
7. The Frail
8. Reptile
9. Closer [The Only Time Breakdown] (partial video)
10. Gave Up (partial video)
11. The Warning
12. Vessel
13. Ghosts 5
14. Ghosts 17
15. Ghosts 19
16. Piggy [Ghosts]
17. The Greater Good
18. Pinion [Interlude]
19. Wish (partial video)
20. Terrible Lie
21. Survivalism (partial video)
22. The Big Comedown (partial video)
23. Ghosts 31
24. Only (partial video)
25. The Hand That Feeds
26. Head Like A Hole
---
27. Echoplex (and very beginning of God Given)
28. God Given
29. The Good Soldier
30. Hurt
31. In This Twilight

spore

2008-07-19T15:18:19Z

I finally downloaded the free version of Spore Creature Creator and made a creature. Here it is, goofing around with its babies:

trent don't eat no ham and eggs 'cause they're high in cholesterol

2008-06-29T14:35:39Z

As possibly the only vegan NIN fan, Meathead's newest mashup appeals to me. Plus, can't go wrong with A Tribe Called Quest.

nin - "echoplex" rehearsal video

2008-06-26T01:29:11Z

I agree with sushis that it's the strongest track on The Slip. Introspective and current.